Rick Who?
by Will Fagan
Summary: Time may or may not be in peril due to the Galactic Federation takeover of Earth. The TARDIS is broken and the Doctor is stuck on an Earth he doesn't recognize. Two American teens, Summer and Morty Smith, seem to be the root of the problem. But why? Does it have anything to do with their missing grandfather's scientific work? Read on! Rated T, for Ter-Rick-fic (ugh).
1. Chapter 1

**Yes, a third story! Call me imaginative, or prolific, or sexy, whatever you will, but don't call me consistent! There was only one** ** _Rick & Morty/Doctor Who _****crossover on fanfiction, and I felt that needed to be corrected (Although the one is very interesting-** ** _The Deconstruction of Rick,_** **go check it out!). In my mind, when I picture Rick Sanchez, I can't help but associate him with the 12th Doctor. They're very similar, in many ways. Maybe it's just that they're both renegade space adventurers with complicated motives and morals. Either way, check this shit out!**

* * *

 _He's wearing your clothes,_

 _Head down to toes, a reaction to you_

 _You say that you know what he did_

 _But you idiot kid, you don't have a clue_

-Elliott Smith

* * *

Summer woke up and glanced at the clock. Wearily, she stood up and peered out of her bedroom window. A figure sat below in the yard, an electric lantern lit by his side. "God dammit," Summer muttered.

Throwing on a bathrobe, she went down the stairs and opened the patio door. She wasn't trying to be quiet; her mom and dad had left the house for a few days, for a vacation in Florida.

Morty didn't hear her sister's footsteps across the dewy grass, didn't notice her until her shadow fell over him. Startled, he turned in surprise. "Summer? I thought you were asleep."

"I was," the girl replied, yawning. "What are you doing out here? It's three in the morning." She surveyed the scene. Her brother was kneeling in front of an old telescope, its lens aimed skywards. "You're still looking for him?" Summer asked, her voice tight with anger.

Morty sighed and looked down at the ground, like a wounded dog. She walked across the lawn and took a seat next to her brother. "He's not coming back," she said, quietly. "Grandpa Rick's not coming back."

"I," Morty started, stuttering on the word like he used to do when he was younger. "I know."

"It's been a year, Morty. You can't keep watching the stars."

"I miss him," Morty said. "I can't give up on him."

"You have to move on, Morty. You can't keep hoping for the impossible."

"Have you moved on, Summer?" Morty shot back, standing up. "Who's the one who still has his old lab coat in their closet? Who hasn't deleted his number from their cell phone."

Summer looked away guiltily. A few minutes passed before she felt her brother's hand on her shoulder. "Summer, I'm- I'm sorry."

"No," Summer said, standing up and wiping the grass from her pajama bottoms. "You're right. I can't move on, and neither can you. But we have to. It's what he wants," she paused, turning a head up to the sky. "What he'd want."

Morty stood up and joined her gaze. There was a speck above them, a fast-moving light across the sky. "A shooting star," Morty said, pointing.

"Make a wish," Summer said.

"Like that'd change anything."

Summer looked up at the star. She squinted her eyes. "Wait."

"What?"

"The star, it's getting brighter."

They watched for a few seconds. The light was getting more intense. Suddenly, Morty's mind clicked. "No," he said. "It's getting closer."

A second later, Morty grabbed her sister and pushed her away. They rolled across the grass as something large slammed down into the yard, obliterating the telescope and carving a muddy crater into the grass.

Summer and Morty got back to their feet, their knees shaking from the impact tremor. "What the hell?" Summer said, staring transfixed at the object that had crashed in their yard.

It was… what was it? A blue box, the size of a phone booth, with a small lamp affixed to its top. The lamp was glowing brightly, pulsing with some sort of energy.

"Where did it come from?" Morty asked, scanning the sky. "Did it fall out of a plane?"

Summer stepped closer and wiped some mud off of the device. Under the mud was a small white sign; inscribed on it:

POLICE TELEPHONE

FREE

for use of

PUBLIC

Summer jumped back in surprise as the wood beneath it moved inwards. It was a door. From the door a cloud of smoke billowed out, drifting into the sky. Summer stepped back towards Morty, uncertain of what to do next.

A hand emerged, clutching the frame of the door. Then another hand. A figure came tumbling out of the box, landing face-first in the mud with a wet thud.

The two siblings stood frozen, too shocked to move. "Is, is it a human?" Summer asked.

"Is it dead?" Morty responded, shaking slightly.

The question was answered by a muffled groan from the figure. It's hands clawed at the mud, trying to find a grip. Slowly, it pushed itself up onto unsteady legs. It was human, Summer guessed. A man, his face and blue suit caked in mud. Two eyes blinked warily at the siblings. "What year is this?" He asked, his voice hoarse.

"Wh-what?" Morty replied.

"The year," the man said, swiping at his soiled suit with his hands. "I need to know, did I overshoot the date? What year is it?"

"Are you okay?" Summer asked, "You crashed very hard."

"I'm fine," the man said, stepping forward. He pitched back over into the mud. Another groan, this one more resigned than frustrated. "Actually, I could use a lie down."

* * *

They put him on the living room sofa. "Should we call an ambulance?" Morty said, conversing with his sister in the kitchen doorway.

"No ambulance!" The man called from the couch.

"I guess not," Summer said, walking into the living room with dish towel. She tossed it to the man. "Here, clean yourself off."

The man nodded and began to wipe the mud from his face. "You never answered my question," he said as he worked.

"What question?" Summer asked.

"What year is this?"

"2016."

"Damn, missed it by twenty centuries. Tell me, are we in England?"

"Not by a long shot," Summer replied. "What were you doing in that box?"

"Crashing, I think." The man finished wiping his face down and tossed the dirtied towel to the floor. Summer let out a gasp as the man turned to face her. "What?"

"Morty's mouth hung open in shock. "It can't be," he whispered.

"What are you staring at? I haven't regenerated again, have I?"

"Grandpa?" Morty said.

" _Rick?_ " Summer said.

The man cocked his head and narrowed his eyes. " _Rick who?_ " He asked.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO, BITCHES! IS THE DOCTOR RICK? IS RICK THE DOCTOR? No. Zip it with the theorizing and read on!**

* * *

 _"Hello?"_ The voice on the other end of the phone sounded tired.

"Mom? Come home right now."

 _"What? Summer, do you know how late it is? What's the matter?"_

"There's a man in our shower," Summer said, turning back towards the bathroom door. The sound of running water could be heard within.

 _"Have you called the police? Is he dangerous? Is Morty alright?"_

"The man's not dangerous. He fell out of the sky. He," Summer's voice caught in her throat. "He looks like Grandpa Rick."

There was silence on the other end of the line. Then a shout, directed away from the phone. _"Jerry! Get your shit together, we're heading home now!"_ With that, the call ended.

"Is it really him?" Morty asked, watching the bathroom door nervously.

"I don't know," Summer said, lowering her tone of voice as the shower was turned off. "He might be a little shaken from the crash."

Morty rocked back and forth on his heels. "Like, amnesia or something?"

The door opened, and the man stepped into the hall, wearing Jerry Smith's bath towel. He held his dirtied, torn clothes in one hand. "Can I borrow something to wear?" He asked. "I don't think these will mend easily."

Summer handed the man, who may or may not be Rick, a pair of her Dad's pants. The man looked down at them with distaste. "What's wrong?" Summer asked.

"They're a little small," he replied.

Morty ran into his room and returned with a bundle of untidy clothes. "These might fit," he said.

The man took them with a nod and went back into the bathroom. Summer turned to Morty. "Those were Grandpa's clothes, weren't they?"

"Everything but the lab coat," Morty replied, rubbing his arm.

"Jesus, Morty. We don't even know if it's really him!"

The door opened again. Summer's heart leapt as she stared at man. In her grandpa's old clothes, the resemblance was uncanny. The hair was shorter, but it was the exact same face. But what about the accent? Was it British?

"Thank you," the man replied. He looked at the two teens with a bemused expression. "I didn't get your names."

"Summer Smith," Summer replied. "This is my brother, Morty."

"Nice to meet you both," the man said, before he pushed past them and hurried down the stairs. They followed him out into the yard, where he stood eying the blue box with a look of contemplation.

"Old girl looks a sorry sight," he muttered, pacing around the box. He noticed something on the ground and picked it up. "There you are," he said. Summer craned her head to look at the object in not-Rick's hand. It was a small, pen-shaped object, metallic, with a green crystal on the end. The not-Rick aimed the device at the box and seemed to scan it. He looked at the device and shook his head. "Something gave you quite the wallop."

"What is this?" Morty asked, stepping towards the box.

"It's my spaceship," not-Rick replied. He wiped off the device in his hand and went to put it in his pants pocket, only to find something else inside it. "What's this?" He asked, pulling out a familiar silver flask. "Yours?" He asked, offering it to Summer.

"No," Summer said, quickly. "It belongs to someone else." She took the flask from his hand.

"You said it's a spaceship," Morty said, voice raising an octave.

"Yes, I did."

"Then you're an alien?" Summer asked.

"Did I forget to mention that?" not-Rick asked, raising a caterpillar-like eyebrow. "My mistake. Right, formal introductions. My name is the Doctor, I'm a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey. That's my ship, the TARDIS."

"Why is it so small?"

"They all say that when they first see her," the Doctor said with a cheeky grin. "I'd show you the inside, but I'm afraid she's a bit of a mess. Also, judging by the smoke, slightly on fire. Not the most ideal situation, but she'll sort itself out. Just needs time." The Doctor paused, his mouth turning into a frown. "Wait, really? That's the first thing you ask after being introduced to an intelligent lifeform from another planet?"

"Well, yeah," Summer said with a shrug. "You're not the first alien we've met."

"You've met aliens before?" The Doctor asked.

"Yeah, loads of times," Morty replied. "My science teacher is one. So's the mailman."

"But…" the Doctor was speechless. "But that's impossible! You're a good 50 years away from discovering extraterrestrial life! You haven't even seen the Moon hatch yet!"

"But everyone knows," Summer said. "The Federation's been here for almost a year, if they didn't, they must be living under a rock."

The Doctor ran his hands through his hair and groaned. "That's why the TARDIS crashed. Something's meddled with the timestream! Caused a meltdown of temporal core!"

"Is that bad?" Morty asked.

"No," the Doctor replied quickly. "Yes. Possibly. Maybe! Point is, something has happened-i.e., Earth making first contact-that has happened at the wrong point in time. That's what broke the TARDIS."

"What kind of spaceship breaks down due to time meddling?" Summer asked.

"The kind that's also a _time machine_ ," the Doctor replied tersely.

"Oh."

Just then, a bright light lit up above the three, blinding them. **"Attention: you have illegally entered a colony of the Galactic Federation. Wait patiently for your arrest."** A voice said through loudspeakers.

"That's not good," the Doctor muttered.


	3. Chapter 3

Jerry and Beth Smith had hurriedly left their hotel and caught the first Federation shuttle home. It was a red eye flight, the two were the only ones aboard besides a few alien tourists. Earth had become a rather popular travel destination in the last year; millions visited to see the pre-Extraterrestrial planet in all its quaint, backwards glory.

"Are you sure Summer wasn't lying?" Jerry asked, leaning back into his chair and stifling a yawn.

"Yes, Jerry, I'm sure," Beth replied, trying to call Summer back for the third time in an hour. "Why would she lie? About Rick? About anything?"

"Maybe she's imagining it?" Jerry postured.

"She's 17, Jerry, not a child," Beth snapped.

Jerry paused for a moment before speaking in a hushed whisper. "If she _is_ telling the truth, Beth, and your father is back, should we really be flying back to the house? He is kinda a wanted criminal, after all."

"He's my father, Jerry. I'm not just going to abandon him."

"He had no trouble abandoning us," Jerry replied thoughtlessly. After a moment's silence so tense you could tightrope walk on it, Beth reached over and slapped him hard across the face. "Ow! Sorry."

Beth scowled at her husband, fighting back tears. "Just, shut up for a few hours. I'm going to try Morty's phone."

Jerry watched as Beth dialed their son's number. As it went to voicemail, he reached out and grabbed the phone from her. "Try texting Summer and Morty. Kids prefer that over talking."

Beth nodded, wiping a runaway tear from her face. "Thanks. Good idea."

The shuttle shook slightly, jolting the passengers in their seats. "What was that?" Jerry asked.

Beth glanced up from the phone and looked out the window. "We've stopped moving. We're just hovering."

There was a thud, shaking the vessel slightly. The intercom buzzed on. _"Folks, this is your pilot speaking. A Federation security vessel has pulled up below us and are requesting to come aboard. Just hang tight and follow their instructions, and we'll be on our way in a jiffy."_

Doors at the rear of the vessel slid open, admitting two bug-like aliens armed with blaster rifles. One of them scanned the cabin and pointed at Beth and Jerry. "You two, stand up and put your arm appendages in the air slowly."

"That's not good," Jerry said, turning to Beth. "We should probably do as they say."

"Grow a backbone, Jerry," his wife replied, glancing towards the window. "Take my hand."

"Shit!" One of the aliens shouted, cocking his rifle. "She's going for the emergency exit!"

Beth opened the door, triggering the vessel alarms. Ignoring Jerry's cry of surprise, she pulled him out of his seat and through the door. Seconds later, blaster fire struck their seats, to the screams of the other passengers.

* * *

The Doctor grabbed Summer and Morty by the arms. "Into the house!" He shouted, hustling them through the patio doors. He slid them shut and scanned the door with his screwdriver. "Damn, there's no way that'll keep them out."

Morty clapped his hands loudly. Large steel shutters dropped over all doors and windows, cutting off the glare of the searchlights and plunging the room into darkness.

"Morty," the Doctor said, fumbling in the blackness. "Why does your house have blast shields?"

"Uh, gee, you don't want to know how many answers that question has," Morty replied.

"Well, that'll buy us a few minutes."

"A few minutes to do what?" Summer asked.

"To talk," the Doctor replied, turning on a lamp. "Tell me, what caused aliens to intervene on Earth? It had to be something big; something to focus their attention on your undeveloped world."

"Well, that's kind of a loaded question," Morty replied, running a hand through his head.

"What does that mean?" The Doctor asked. He glanced over at the blast shields and narrowed his eyes. "What do you two _know_?"

Summer groaned. "Look, the reason the aliens are here is because of our grandpa. He caused all of this."

"What did he do?"

"It's sort of a matter of asking what didn't he do," Morty said nervously.

The Doctor turned to the teenage boy and stared him down. " _What did your father do?_ "

"He was a scientist," Morty began, trying to decide how he could spin this. "We used to travel together. He'd get us into all sorts of crazy adventures."

The Doctor couldn't help but smile at this."Sounds familiar."

"Some of the things we did weren't quite… legal."

"Such as?"

"Well, the aliens outside, the Galactic Federation, we kinda… shot up one of their spaceports, Rick wanted to smuggle some weird alien seeds through customs, and we got caught."

"Anything else?"

"Well, we freed a creature they were holding captive, and kinda had to shoot our way out of that, too. I guess he was also a member of some rebel army that fought the Federation other times, and a year ago they ambushed us at a wedding and tried to arrest him, but we shot our way out of there and escaped."

"I've never heard of the Galactic Federation," the Doctor said. He paced across the room. "So you came back to Earth? This was a year ago? How come they didn't come for you or your grandfather?"

"He gave himself up," Summer said quietly. Morty and the Doctor turned in surprise. "The Federation colonized Earth so they could keep an eye on it in case Rick came back. He knew we'd never be safe or happy on the run, so he surrendered so we could come home."

A knocking sound emanated through the house. It came from the patio blast doors. "Open up, you're surrounded."

The Doctor strolled over to the doors and noticed a small slot big enough to peer through. He pulled it open a crack. "Identify yourself."

A pair of insect eyes appeared in the slot. "This is Officer Goomble'ak of the Galactic Federation Security Taskforce. Is that your vessel parked outside?"

"What if it was?"

"We would like you to accompany us to the Department of Transgalactic Vehicles so we can inspect your registration."

"I've had that ship since before registration. What if I don't have any?"

"Let me see your face."

"Doctor, no!" Summer shouted, but it was too late. The Doctor raised his head to the grate. At the sight of his face, the alien swore. " _Holy shit!_ It's him! It's Sanchez! Call for reinforcements and open fire!"

The Doctor jumped back, slamming the slot shut, as the house began to shake from heavy blaster fire. The lights flickered and failed as Summer and Morty braced against furniture.

"I don't understand," the Doctor said.

"They're going to kill us!" Morty shouted.

"They're terrified of me," the Doctor remarked, seemingly oblivious as plaster rained down from the ceiling on his head. "I've never even met them."

He crawled across the floor and grabbed Summer by the hand. "That name… Sanchez. Is that your grandfather?"

"Yes."

"Why do they think I'm your grandfather?" The Doctor asked, raising his voice as the blaster fire rose in intensity. "Tell me, Summer. Why?"

 _"Because you look just like him!"_


	4. Chapter 4

**None of these characters are mine.** ** _Rick and Morty_** **and** ** _Doctor Who_** **are the intellectual property of their respective creators. I would appreciate it if I were not sued.**

An hour later, the sound of laser fire died down. "Maybe they're giving up," Morty said, removing his hands from his ears.

"No," the Doctor replied, "They're heavy lasers have just overheated. I'll give it to your grandfather, he knew how to build good blast shields."

Indeed, despite the heavy onslaught of firepower that was concentrated on the Smith home, not a single shot had managed to penetrate through the building's armor. Despite this, the interior was a wreck: shattered glass, broken lamps and furniture, and collapsed plaster from the vibrations of the laser bursts. The three inhabitants were currently hunkered down under the dining room table, unscathed except for a large crack where the chandelier had struck it after coming loose.

"Right, let's use this time to brainstorm," the Doctor stood up and shook plaster dust from his borrowed clothes. "We're trapped in a moderately shielded house and surrounded by angry aliens, who seem to believe I'm your mad criminal grandfather. We have no escape route, no bargaining chips, and no hope. Summer, what's your plan?"

Summer looked taken aback. "Me? I have no plan."

"Morty?"

"Uhhhhh."

The Doctor clapped his hands and laughed. "Good, we have no plans. We're all on equal footing. I'll just throw something into the middle of the ring: Summer, where is your grandfather's lab?"

"It was in the garage," Summer replied. "But the Federation stripped it of everything. There's nothing in there."

"Maybe they missed something," the Doctor said. "Think, is there anything they might not have taken?"

Morty raised a hand. "Uhh, Summer has Rick's lab coat in her room."

The Doctor nodded and pointed to the older sibling. "Summer, get the coat!"

As Summer ran out of the room, a knocking could be heard. The Doctor strolled into the living room to the patio door and slid open the viewing window. Another of the bug-like aliens was there. "Mr. Sanchez, I presume?" It asked, peering through the gloom.

"No, but the resemblance is uncanny, so I'm told," the Doctor replied. "Have you come to negotiate a surrender?"

The alien seemed to laugh. "Yes; yours. Either lower the blast shields and give yourselves up, or we'll wipe this house off the planet."

"How are you going to do that?" The Doctor asked with a grin. "As we've seen, your lasers can't even crack our shields."

"We are currently scrambling a bomber with a 5-megaton thermonuclear torpedo. If you don't surrender, we'll evacuate the area and drop it."

"Isn't that a bit extreme? Mobilizing a nuclear assault to kill three people? You must really fear this Sanchez fellow if you're prepared to go to such lengths."

"He is a cancer worth the effort to neutralize," the alien replied simply. "I don't know why you're going with this whole 'mistaken identity' shpiel, Sanchez, but it's not fooling us."

"Who's trying to fool you? My name is the Doctor. I'm a 2000-year old Time Lord. I am not Rick-bloody-Sanchez."

"The Time Lords are dead and gone, Mr. Sanchez."

"I beg to differ. The only crime I've committed is illegally parking my ship. You have no right to take such action."

"Or course we have no right," the alien replied. "Which is why this whole operation is off the books. When we annihilate you and your descendants, the news will report this as all being a military exercise gone wrong. No casualties, fortunately, but it's not like you'll leave behind any remains. You have ten minutes, 'Doctor' Sanchez. Do think this through."

The Doctor slammed the viewing window shut and kicked the shield door for good measure. "Idiots!"

"What did they say?" Morty asked.

"They're going to nuke us if we don't surrender. Suffice to say, they are in no mood to see reason."

"What!" Morty grabbed his hair. "But, but, they'll kill us!"

"An astute observation."

Summer returned with Rick's old lab coat. "Here, I checked the pockets, there's nothing there."

The Doctor grabbed it and checked again. His fingers brushed against something and a smile grew on his face. "What's this then?" He pulled out a small device with a red button.

"A garage door opener?" Morty asked.

"Mom and Dad have been looking for that for ages," Summer said, eyes wide. "Where did you find that?"

"The pockets are bigger on the inside," the Doctor replied with a smirk. "Smart fellow. I'll have to shake his hand if I ever meet him, right before I punch him."

"How is that going to help us?" Summer asked. "We can't just open the garage door and make our escape."

"Maybe it doesn't open the garage door," the Doctor replied. "You said that was his lab; maybe he was hiding something there and disguising the key as something completely innocent?"

They ran to the garage, now just a storage room for the Smith family. It still made Summer sad to see it stripped of Rick's inventions and equipment. The Doctor held out the garage door opened and pushed the button. "Open, sesame!"

There was a small click, and the garage door slid open, revealing a half-dozen shocked aliens on the other side.

The Doctor lowered the device and stared at it in surprise. "Ok, maybe it is just a regular garage door opener."

"Look!" Morty shouted. There was a flicker of green, and a second later the aliens vanished, replaced by a swirling green object that filled the garage door frame.

"It's a portal!" Summer shouted.

"Well, into the portal, I guess!" The Doctor said, and dove through the green vortex without a second thought.


End file.
